It's Our Beautiful Chaos...: January 2013

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Circus Circus!

When I woke up this morning, opened my living room blinds, just as I do every morning, I was once again saddened but what I saw. It was so ugly looking outside. I wanted to yell at someone! The weather has been so gross here for the passed few weeks. Yeah yeah, I live in Utah, and the winters aren't sunny and warm, but -8 degree weather and breathing in smog isn't what I expect either. We have stayed in my house for 2 weeks and I am going completely NUTS! So, this morning, I decided we were going to brave the nasty and go do something. I googled to see if there was something going on that I didn't know about and I had 3 choices. 1) Sundance in Park City. I would absolutely love to go to Sundance and I LOVE Park city, there is only one problem, Olivia would probably scream and yell at me if we did that. So that was out. 2) The bridal expo. Since I am not looking to book reception venues and or churches to walk down the aisle again that had to be out too. Finally, 3) The Jordan's World Circus. BINGO!!! So we got cleaned up and ready and headed out! It was so nice to be out and about surrounded by hustle and bustle and people. I wouldn't normally enjoy that setting so much BUT, in these circumstances it was great. Olivia loved the elephants so much and enjoyed the "swingy ladies up up up." It was great. After, we decided to make a day of it and go to dinner at my favorite place, Tona. We love us some sushi, yes both Olivia and I. She tares it up. After dinner we went to Target and bought some new jammies! All in all, it was a wonderful day.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Arts & Crafts...Sort of!

I have decided to start a new hobby, because well, I have none. I really enjoy decorating and re-decorating and changing around my house and basically, how am I supposed to afford changing my decorations that often. SOOO....i've found a new obsession of shopping the classifieds and the DI for "hidden treasures." Something that I could give a little face lift and have it look new! Well, I found this little white shelf from a friend off the classifieds and bought it for $5. I took off the back part with the hearts, primed and painted it, added some lace to the edges and WALLA, new shelf. I also did the same to the little red shelf too. I found that one at the DI and it was an awful dark blue color with pink flowers painted on it. Have a little looksy!

Where'd that come from?

Ever since I got pregnant with Olivia, I've struggled with my weight. Actually, while I was pregnant I weighed less than I did a few months ago. I lost a lot of weight while I was pregnant just because I would get extremely full SO fast. Sometimes I wish I had the same stomach capacity as I did while pregnant (just without the baby inside) HAA! Anyway, I worked HARD to try to lose weight for close to 8 months. I went to the gym every day, ran miles and miles and absolutely NOTHING was happening with my weight. I stayed at a constant weight, not losing or gaining actually. I had no idea what was wrong with me and no one else seemed to know either, including the doctor. He just said my body was extremely stubborn due to the delivery of a child and the following surgeries my body endured shortly after and stress was a KEY factor as to why it was holding onto the weight as well. I think subconsciously I had lost everything that was so dear to my heart, that maybe losing something else such as weight would cause the same empty feeling. I know it sounds like the stupidest thing in the world when I say that, but I really think it's true. When stress is caused within my body, I don't lose weight, I gain...and gain and gain and gain, without even eating anything. It just wasn't fair. I got SOOO mad when I'd see a little skinny girl running around saying they stopped drinking soda and managed to lose 20 pounds in a month. I hardly ever drank soda, didn't eat unhealthy and I was still....stuck. I was incredibly unhappy with myself, but tried not to show it. No one around me ever said anything to me about it, so I hardly realized how bad and unhealthy I looked until when I look at pictures now. I cannot believe I ever allowed myself to get to that point it was awful. The highest I remember weighing in post pregnancy was at 187. I am a very small girl, I'm only 5'2 so that much weight on me looks like i weigh 300 pounds. After the while of working out and attempting to diet and change my lifestyle and nothing was happening, I began to get discouraged. I decided it was my path to be the chubby girl, and it created an extreme sadness within me that I couldn't shake no matter how happy I appeared to be on the outside. Right as I was close to giving it all up and accept my "fate" a great friend of mine started talking about this weight loss crap on facebook. I had tried it all....and nothing worked so I had decided it was just another weight loss ploy that would just be wasting my money. One morning as I woke up, I had this overwhelming feeling that I should try out this product that she had been offering. I had no idea where it came from, but I decided to jump in with her and knowing what I do now, I would NEVER change that decision that I made that cold November morning. Shortly after I began consuming a meal replacement shake, actually a week to be exact, I lost 7 pounds. Just like that gone....I was ECSTATIC. 7 pounds is huge for someone killing themselves at the attempt of weight loss. I am up to 20 pound loss just from these products in 2 1/2 months rather than losing 10 pounds in 8 months. I am at 158 now and I feel incredible, more incredible than I've really ever felt health wise. I am extremely thankful to be where I am at today, and so excited to see where this takes me in my future!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Another Year Behind Us...

Let's face it, I really am horrible at updating a blog regularly. I don't even know if anyone even reads this but I've decided I don't write for anyone else but for myself. It is certainly a release that I've always turned to throughout my life. I feel as if writing is my way I self-expression and to blow off steam. I have tons of journals i've collected over the years but they just take up space, so blogging is a much easier way to document memories and thoughts. Anyway, it's been an entire year in a half since I last wrote anything on here but I really want to keep this updated as best as I can.

Let's see......in the passed year in a half, we've moved, had ups and downs in some relationships, gone on a couple different amazing vacations, created memories and experiences with many new and amazing people, been at some lowest lows and some of the highest highs. At times, I allow this life to consume me entirely and become quite the recluse. I've realized however, that is no way to live. The only person it affects is myself. It's extremely difficult to always be positive, just as anyone else would agree with me on that, but look around at all the incredible blessings and beauty that still remains here. Not right now with the 5 inch ice sheets all over the ground outside, but most days it's pretty beautiful. Olivia certainly keeps me on my toes. She turned 2 in September of last year, however, we encountered the "terrible two's" shortly after her first birthday. She has major attitude and that fiery red hair has transferred to her brain I think. Though she gives me a run for my money, I love that little sleeping baby girl in the other room more than life itself. The dark is brightened by her luminous light daily and I am beyond thankful to have her and to teach me everyday more about myself. There is so much that she does each and everyday that reminds me of her daddy, in Heaven. We know that he watches over us and lives on in our hearts every moment of every day. Different story for a different day.

I am going to keep up with this, so there isn't such a broad post next time. Here are some pictures from the last year, Enjoy!

Olivia and I had some photos taken after she turned 2-Here are a few!

These next couple are from a bigger family shoot we had when my sister and her family were visiting this summer!

I was in the back room for two seconds and when I came out this is what I found. haha!

Summer in Brigham City- 2012

We went to San Diego last year and we absolutely LOVED it. It was Olivia's first experience at the beach and with the ocean. It was incredible!

More summer photos in Utah!

Halloween 2012. I was the Queen Bee and she was my baby bee

This was our trip to Virginia for Thanksgiving. We had a total blast re-acquainting with my long lost Gilland family. I was TERRIFIED of how the plane ride was going to go, because the ride to San Diego was really not fun. I was pleasantly surprised with how well she did. As a matter of fact, she loved the plane. Two days after the photo with my Grandpa Jerry was taken, and after we returned home to Utah, he passed away. I am incredibly blessed that I was allowed the luxury of getting to spend his last Thanksgiving here with him.