Sunday, January 30, 2011

Day 13:

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

I love music, all music. I can honestly say music has gotten me through some pretty dark days. I love how much you can relate to lyrics of someone else, it helps me realize I am not the only one that has felt pain. I have a friend who is an exceptional and talented artist, and is amazing at what he does. His life has been full of heartache and let down and his lyrics tell his stories. I will say, thanks to him, I have felt all emotion that I wasn't sure I even could and when you can relate to someone in that way with life experience, it brings you to a level in which can never be destroyed. I love how many feelings certain pieces can bring to the surface, and it is truly amazing. If I had an ounce of singing talent, I would take it places, and I would not give up until I could do for others what others people's music has done for me. All I can say is thank you.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Day 12:

Something you never get compliments on.

So, this one....I can't really think of anything. Not to sound self centered at all, but the things I really care about, people do realize and compliment me on. All I care about is being a good mother and person and I am complimented quite often on the job I am doing with all that. I guess I can say, I try to be the best that I can be, even though it's not perfection.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Day 11

Something most people seem to compliment you most on

I would have to say my kind heartedness? I don't know, but a lot of people seem to say I am kind. I have my rough days just like everyone else, but I really try to be kind to others. Something else would be my honesty. There is absolutely no use in lying, it never takes you to good places, and you end up looking like a total idiot anyway, so why not just tell the truth in the beginning.

Which way...???


We went in for our 4 month check up a couple of weeks ago. Prior to this, I was having a lot of trouble deciding whether or not I wanted to continue with getting Olivia's immunizations. I was/still kind of am, so torn between not getting them, dividing them out, or just getting them all at once. Now, the reason why I was having mixed feelings were my mom works at a center called ABT- Advanced Brain Technologies, where they basically study children with neuro disorders such as ADD, ADHD, Autism, etc. They have created a program to stimulate these children with music therapy. Anyway, her and all her coworkers firmly believe in not vaccinating because most the people they work with are parents with Autistic children and claim before they were vaccinated, their child was completely normal. So, I had been contemplating because of all these voices whispering in my ears and contemplating that if I did get her shots done and she developed Autism then I couldn't live with myself but on the other hand if she got some gross virus or something that could be prevented with a simple vacc then I wouldn't be able to live myself either. At the doctor's appt I expressed my concern to Olivia's doctor. He was certainly surprised but was actually impressed that I wanted to know more about them. He told me his stand point as a doc as well as a parent, which claimed that he wouldn't want to chance a baby getting some nasty disease that a vaccination could have prevented. I told him I still needed some time to make a decision, but would call back early the next week. The next couple of days, I asked around to people at work, friends, family, and I got so many mixed reviews still. I decided that I am Olivia's mom after all and I need to act like it. I need to do what I feel is best for my daughter, and what Ian would want to do as well. I decided to get them done after all. Her day was great, and the night turned into an utter nightmare haha.. I know babies pull all nighters and I am not the only parent that it has happened too, but a lot of people don't have to be doing this alone either. It is much harder to say the least, she had slept maybe a combined total of 2 hours the entire night, lets just say good thing I had the next day off of work. Now, we are back to our normal good sleeping schedule and things are looking great.

Stats at about 4 months and 2 weeks:

14.9 pounds (chunky monkey) haha
24 inch long
and I can't remember the circumference of her head but i know it is growing too lol

She has started to eat cereal and gulps it down like it's going out of style.
She has rolled a couple of times from front to back but not from back to front yet. She has started to attempt to hold her own bottle, which is pretty dang cute and she grabs for things and holds on to them. Her favorite is her rattle. So far, I guess i'm doing a pretty good job, but who knows! I've never been a mom before :p




Sleepy girl
She can stand tummy time for about 10 seconds then she screams haha
Attempting to roll over, but got tired and just laid on her side haha


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 10

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I think you meet people on purpose. I do not think that you should ever wish away knowing someone because in one way or another they affected your life and brought you to where you are now. I think you can live your life minus some, but not wish away having met them. People will always let you down, because expectations are so high for some, but you have to learn to expect less, that's all there is too it. It does sound horrible, but it has to be done so you aren't let down with one thing right after the other.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Day 6, 7, 8, 9

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Well, I believe I have already done something I had always wished I'd never have to do. Of coarse there are others, but CHECK.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
My life is filled with people that make my life worth living but the sole, single person that honestly saved my life is my sweet daughter, Olivia. She is probably one of the ONLY reasons that life is worth living at this point. For the past 8 months, I won't lie, I wanted to die and in many ways I did just that. Physically, obviously not, but a lot of the Brittlyn who used to be, has gone. While I was pregnant, Olivia kept me "alive" in more ways than one. I have not disclosed this to anyone, but it's very much the truth.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Honestly, I don't have time to have people treat me like garbage. I won't allow to be treated that way, and I will tell you. It is ridiculous that some people who shall rename unnamed, think they get the "go ahead" to treat someone like they do. In the past, I've allowed some to walk on top of me like i'm unimportant, but that is done. Life is too short to go about it playing a ridiculous game.

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Life always swings in different ways, that we don't necessarily get to control, but our friendships are one that we can, most of the time. If someone is important to you in your life, don't let them go. It is as simple as that. And, you can ALWAYS rekindle a relationship, always.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Day 5

Something you hope to do in your life.

Something I hope I can accomplish in my life is to be able to support my daughter, and give her all that she deserves. She is a special gift, I know that and I also know this is now my mission in life. Before, it was to be the best wife to the most deserving man, and I have fulfilled that. Now, it is time to be the best mom that I can be. Though being a single parent is more difficult than you will ever know unless you have experienced it first hand, I know I can do this. Liv and I will have a deeper bond than just a normal parent child relationship because of our abnormal situation. I am excited where life is going to take us, and who we will become.

Day 4

Something you have to forgive someone for.

This one is a tough one for me. Previous to this year, I held grudges. I judged others, I disliked people without knowing them, I was cursed with jealousy. Knowing what I know now, about life, has changed my life dramatically. The realization that this life can be cut off instantly and SO short, has affected me in so many ways one being my forgiveness of others. I have been hurt by many people in my young life, but I have come to realize, those people made mistakes, whether intentional or not. Anyway, what I am getting at is I have cleansed myself, and forgave those that I needed too. There will always be people that I plain just can't get along with, personality differences, but you can't go on living your life holding things against people. It can become suffocating.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

January 8, 2011


As you already know, today is Ian's birthday. His family, my mom, Olivia and I all went to Ian's site to release some balloons in his honor. We all wrote him a message on a balloon, just so he would have some light reading haha. It was nice, and I think we have all decided to keep this as a tradition every year from now on.







Saturday, January 8, 2011

January 8th... of every year

Today, is a special day. It is ian's birthday. I always tried to make his birthdays amazing, because he deserved it. Last year on his birthday, I threw him a little surprise bday party with his family and mine. It was at the beehive pizza place so we would be eating lots of food. I was so excited that I was barely keeping myself from telling him!! Everyone was in on it, except for him. When he told me he had never had a surprise birthday party, the light bulb lit up the moment he said those words. During I tried to find a place where kids could play, where we could eat, and where the adults could have some fun too. I put "Happy birthday Ian" on their sign, and during the day we drove passed it at least 3 times haha. He didn't even notice. Later, around the time we were all going to meet there I told Ian that I had to go to work for a couple of hours and then we would go down to ogden later. He was bummed, but little did he know...haha. I even drove my car to the credit union, parked in the lot and shawna, ian's sister, came to pick me up, just in case he suspected something haha. Earlier that day we went to walmart and he decided he was hungry, so we walked into subway. I didn't want to tell him he would be having all he could eat pizza two hours later so I just let him eat. Anyway, Shawna and I went to decorate. Brendan, Ian's nephew, called him and asked if ian would go someplace to look at a car with him. Ian even said, why don't you get adrian, ian's brother the mechanic, to go with you because he knows way more about cars. After some time Ian agreed, so Brendan went to pick him up. When ian got in his car, Brendan said with a serious face "Put this on," and handed him a mask. Ian told me later, since Brendan is soooo much bigger than him, he decided to just do what he told him to do, even though he was skeptic. When he got to the pizza place we watch him walk get led in my Brendan with this pink shiny eye mask on. It was sooo funny. When he took off the mask, we were all there and yelled "surprise!!" He was so excited, and really was surprised. I asked him if he had any idea and he said he really didn't. I'm not sure if he lied just to make me feel better, because I am not that secretive haha. Anyway, January 8th will always be a special day, the day we get to celebrate the greatest man's birthday. We love you tutz!







Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for

So...This one is hard only because no one knows this. Something I need to forgive myself for is leaving Ian on the Sunday before he passed to go back to work. I blame myself, not for his actual death but for not being there to at least tell him I loved him and for him to be close to me, and to help him not be scared. I do know it is a blessing that I wasn't there with him, because I would probably be so much more screwed up than I am already. This is something I will probably never be able to forgive myself for...There are so many things that I wish for that day and this is one.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Day 2


Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Let me see, something I really do like about myself, is my hair and my teeth. It may seem shallow to say, because most people would compliment on their personality or something to that effect, but i really do love my hair and teeth. I have been blessed with good hair and teeth. Just yesterday, I went to the dentist for my first check up after I had Olivia and no problems! I just hope they stay that way!






Thursday, January 6, 2011

30 days

Day 1
Something you hate about yourself....
Something I hate about myself....This may be weird, but I HATE how fast my hair grows. When I wax my brows, they are back honestly in the next couple of days, same goes for my leg and arm pit hairs, and it wouldn't be such a big problem if my hair wasn't so dang dark. All I can say is thank goodness i'm not a dude and have to shave my face, because at least I can hide where my hairs are haha.

I saw this on my friends blog and decided I wanted to play too.


30 days of truth:


Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

Day 14: A hero that has let you down.

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

In the beginning...

Yesterday, I found a cd with a bunch of old pictures of Ian and I when we first met and started our relationship. Now this may sound cheesy or whatever, but the very first moment I laid eyes on Ian, I knew I would be his wife one day. I can honestly say, I'm a true believer of love at first sight because I have experienced it first hand. We first met on June 6th, 2007 at atk when I was a temp there. I was sitting in the break room as the workers started to come in for their shifts. He walked in after 3 other guys but when I saw him, instantly I was in love haha. He was wearing a bright yellow shirt and carrying a helmet. When our eyes met, I could have sworn we were the only two people in that room. His piercing blue eyes were so beautiful, as I imagined spending the rest of forever with him. Later that day, after being trained on the line, I walked up to a group of guys, him included and started talking to them. He asked me my name, I told him and apparently didn't understand or hear me because he said it again with a clueless look on his face. One thing I can't stand is when people mispronounce my name...ya annoying, so i was annoyed lol. I turned and walked off, and later on he said he thought i was a "stuck up hottie" haha. One of the first few days we were talking, I sat by him on the line. At this point, I didn't really know his odd sense of humor and wittyness but as i reached in front of him to grab a part, he said "I want to bite your wrist." hahaha, so, most people would think...wow, what a freak or weirdo, but i thought YES! Bite it hahahahaha. Anyway, long story short, we fell in love and had the most incredible connection and relationship I could have ever asked for. I was his princess and he was my prince charming. We had come into each others lives at a point which we both needed something more and filled a void for each other. I loved every minute I got to spend with Ian, and a lot of those minutes we spent taking pictures and that is why I have so many. These pictures below are the very first shots of us together. July 2007... I love you muffin :]



His kisses are kind of amazing :]


I love this picture of him and hate it of me, but that's okay. Why couldn't I have just smiled too!?



Cutie Pants!